L (He/Him): 

I just finished my freshman year of drama school and I’m in a lot of pain. People say you meet the collaborators you work for the rest of your life with here, but all year people were so cliquey. When I confronted a classmate about it, it turns out a big reason they were uncomfortable working with me was my disability. Ever since summer break started, I’ve been crying every day because I had such a bad semester. Theatre is supposedly all about who you know, but I’m autistic and as soon as people clock that they seem to draw away. It hurts more because many of these people claimed to be open-minded and sometimes even radical in their politics, so when they didn’t walk the walk interpersonally I felt like I was the crazy one for pointing it out. How do I handle these conflicts without losing my dignity? I just want other creatives to treat me like an equal.

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Dear L,

I’m really sorry you are experiencing this, our work is inherently collaborative and I know how excruciatingly difficult it can be to feel misunderstood or isolated in a training program. Please know that you are wonderful exactly as you are, and that the right people for you do exist in this world. Maybe there are folks in your program, and it may just take time to click. If it doesn’t feel that way, remember these programs are really small microcosms compared to the rest of the industry. Once you graduate you will step into a whole wide world where you can find the friends and collaborators who do understand you and help you create and thrive. 

The most freeing thing for me has been to accept that not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay. As long as I am being authentically myself, honoring my values, and doing my best to be the best iteration of myself to others, that is really all that matters and all that I have control over. The most important thing for me is that I can stand behind my actions and the quality of my work. The right people will be attracted to my truth and those are the ones I want to work with. Please know that the industry is big and you can find your people as long as you are true to yourself and love who you are. That may feel difficult now when you are in this small little institution, but do know that this place has an end date in your reality, and then you will be free to go where you wish to make art and find your community.

Are there groups at school that have aligned interests or social identities as you? I’d recommend reaching out to those organizations, such as groups that build community with other neurodiverse students or an organization that hosts social events with folks who have disabilities in your city. If not I would say connect with national organizations, such as the Autistic Theatremakers Alliance, for support and resources. Your people are out there and you don’t have to be alone!

Sending you much love,

Fefu

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